So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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