Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
