Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
