I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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