i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
