Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
