how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
