I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
