I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's just like the Real World with babies
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
