I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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