It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
