This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
These tits shall not be calmed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
