you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
