know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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