so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
