The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
