Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
