We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
