I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
