Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
