you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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