Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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