A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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