i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
