drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
