some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
