So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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