So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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