this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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