considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
