I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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