GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
