nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are we still banned from the library?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
