College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
