It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
