new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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