Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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