We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
