I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
