Im at strip club and am horny
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize