i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
