Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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