first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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