There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
