so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
