Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
