oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize