Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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