I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
