I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
