I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
