is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
