dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
