Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
