Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
