I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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