I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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