im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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