I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
