it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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