I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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