Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he thought i was a dude.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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