I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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