I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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